My Strengths Journey

Natural yearning to learn.

I was born on 1 March 1978 in Tanzania, a country in East Africa, when the capital city was still Dar es Salaam. It was a time when Tanzania was at war with the infamous Ugandan dictator by the name of Idi Amin. My father, even though he worked for the police, was sent to join the army, as he apparently had ‘special sniper skills’. His left hand never missed a shot. Therefore, he wasn’t much of a presence in the first two years of my life. My parents were born in villages situated in the north of Tanzania, at a town called Moshi. Both being academically gifted, they made it all the way to University in the 60s, and that is where they met.

As a middle child, I was quite independent, and could easily sneak away without anyone noticing. I remember when I was as young as 4 years old, wanting to join my two older siblings at school. And so I decided one day that I would do exactly that. I remember picking up a random ‘book’ as my siblings seemed to me to do, and left the house to look for a school. Fortunately, there was one close to my home, and so I sat outside the fence, waiting for someone to welcome me in. Honestly, I cannot remember how I got back home exactly, but I do remember a neighbour asking me questions.. It amazes me to think today, just how brave that young girl was. Her desire to learn caused her to act without any comprehension of the dangers that may have lurked around her.

She had no fear. It is quite ironic that the place she longed to enter and get an education, would be the place that taught her about fear. In the Bible Adam and Eve knew no fear, until they ate the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil. Not ALL knowledge is power. It all comes down to which knowledge you choose to believe, and your acting according to that belief is where lies the power.

Finally..part 12

My first job was at a small law firm, that had two partners. The expectation was that I would just learn for myself how it all worked and get things done. There was no internship program. Once registered as a legal practitioner, people just expected you to act like one! So it’s all through trial and error, for those of us who were unlucky enough to have bosses that did not care enough to coach us into it. The dream became a nightmare pretty fast. The Civil Magistrates courts used to be stables for horses, and the animal smell has remained in the small courts of justice. It’s amazing how smell can affect inspiration and enthusiasm. The pungent smell made being there depressing, which was smeared on the faces of applicants and defendants dreading their needed time in court. Where was the glamour of ‘LA Law’? And why did I feel like I had made the biggest mistake of my life? Afterall, people envied the fact that I was a lawyer.

I always had a niggling feeling that I had a unique purpose that I was built for, but how to find out what that was, eluded me for decades. Self-mastery begins with self-awareness. A lack of self-awareness means you have no clue as to what you bring to the table. You will not have confidence if you don’t know the value that you bring. So I spent years trying to do work as I have seen others do it. Copying their attitude and lifestyle did not turn me into them, nor help me be successful as they were. Somehow, I had to find my own way. It was very frustrating watching others succeed where I had failed. Why can’t I just do it like them? Why was I different?

I could not share these challenges with my parents because there was no bond of vulnerability. To them work was a necessary evil. Passion and talent was never a topic of discussion, or going on a journey to truly discover how to spend one’s life. Take your time to figure out your calling so you can live a life of authenticity and sincerity. Life is too short to waste any time.

In search of my unique talents, I took various jobs that were unrelated to my degree. I did sales for home products, church administration, in house counsel, personal assistant and team leader at a charity. All in a desperate bid to find work that I belonged in. It wasn’t until I was almost 40, that I finally came across a tool that would help to guide me in my quest for a life of knowing what value I bring to the table. Someone introduced me to the Clifton Strengths assessment. It is an online assessment that takes 45 minutes to complete, but has the effect of a lifetime. When I received the report on my top 5(five) strengths, it was like meeting myself for the first time. My top 5 strengths are:

Intellection

Connectedness

Individualisation

Learner

Harmony

In summary my natural inclinations are wired towards relationship building and strategic thinking. It helps me work better when I have authentic relationships with those I work with. It is not about the job I do, but how I do it. Unlike others, I will make a concerted effort to get to know my work mates and customers on a personal level as well. This is how I achieve success. Understanding the people I interact with motivates me to do a good job. In whatever area. Therefore as a legal practitioner, my focus should be more on the client and people involved in the case. Knowing them will motivate how I proceed to find a solution. Whereas, other lawyers may be more inclined to focus on the argument, or process, and that is how they achieve success. Knowing my strengths helped me create a Self Strengths statement that describes the value and contribution I bring:

“My intellection helps me think and research things through, so I am able to give well and thought out responses. I am able to see the connection between people and situations, giving me investigative abilities, which help me solve problems. My individualisation picks out the unique attributes of people, and I am able to cater for specific needs. I have a curious mind, the learner in me wants to understand and be competent. Give me different views on an issue, and my harmony will help me come up with a common way forward that incorporates all perspectives.”

This is something we need to know before we leave school. That way we would spend more time understanding how we uniquely succeed, instead of copying other people’s ways. Two people can do the same job or business, but approach it in a different way, according to their strengths. That is the beginning of true success. Realising we already have what it takes to achieve great things within ourselves.

Success does not have to be something left to chance. Doing the strengths assessment gives you the tools for self-awareness and self-mastery. When you understand how you are wired, the possibilities are endless!

Career Guidance…part 11

Colonialism limited the African’s ability to imagine. The colonialists controlled the vocations that the Africans were allowed, exposed and taught to do. That way a lot of our parents ended up being teachers or nurses. They could not dream of being neuro scientists or CEOs of big companies, because such ideas had no room in the system. Independence allowed us to choose from a greater variety of skills, but societal pressure has kept the chains on. In Zimbabwe, there are 3 professions that are recognised as being smart choices; Medicine, Law and Accounting. Anything outside of these is a risky compromise…and not valued. Because of such bias inclinations, we did not entertain other possible careers and tried to force ourselves in the path of one of them. We knew it would make our parents happy, forgetting that it was our lives that would be affected the most by the misery of a forced career. It looked like it didn’t matter what we did, as long as we made lots of money…no one asked us what we were passionate about, or what difference we wanted to make in the world. There were no discussions about the unique talents we all had and the purpose for which we would want to apply them.

Perhaps before independence, our parents gave up dreaming, and so did not model that for us. The model we got was; Go to school; become a doctor; buy a house; get married, full stop. So I chose law, and was miserable at it. Why do we think anyone can do any profession? We are wired differently and the way we succeed is different too. We have natural inclinations in the way we think, behave and feel, that affect our productivity. That’s why some people take to math or learning an instrument like a fish to water, while the rest of us can’t even keep a tune. Can you imagine Beyonce as an accountant? You get my point. As children we already have natural inclinations and interests towards something.

Parents, please let’s pay attention, and support our children’s talents. That’s what they were born to do. Not what we want them to do so we can live vicariously through them. If you are not happy with your choices, then make new ones for yourself. As long as you’re living, you can start again. Colonel Sanders, who founded KFC, did it at the age of 62! So, we must live our lives, so our children can live theirs, and have models on how to chase their dreams. We only have one life to do it in, there’s no coming back around. I wish my parents spoke to me about how short life actually is, so I could have focused on my purpose at a much younger age. Our children have all got something special to offer the world, the sooner they know it, the better.

Another reason to protect our children from doing degrees that society tries to push them to, is that once those 3/4 years at the University are done, it’s very hard to change careers to something you have no papers for. There will be the guilty feeling of spending all those years studying one thing, only to take up another. Also the money spent on that degree, and the sacrifice of those who paid for it, will weigh heavily on your conscious. I remember reading a story of a Nigerian man whose parents forced him to do medicine. What he really wanted to do was be an entertainer for children’s parties, and dress like a clown. He eventually followed his dream and started a children’s parties event organising company. He is now a millionaire. His parents thought the only way he was going to make lots of money was to be a doctor. They didn’t realise that creativity plus what we are passionate about, can do the same thing. We all need to be given the chance to go after what is pushing us inside.

Unfortunately, the teaching style I received at the University is also geared to giving information without practice on its application. Four years of acquiring vast knowledge, but not really understanding how it is applied. How it is applied is what determines whether you have the strength and passion for it. It’s great reading about justice and human rights, but the process of attaining such may be a nightmare, and there is more than one way to skin a cat. You don’t have to be a lawyer to impact human rights. You can influence it through journalism, activism, writing stories and producing films. Your strengths are what determine which way.

I studied law at the University of Zimbabwe. All I had to do was pass exams, just like in high school. That did not say much about the type of work it would actually involve. Turns out law is a lot more about being able to write legal briefs and outlines, based on rules and regulations, than attending court and impressing the audience with inspiring speeches. If your paperwork does not meet the legal requirements, you do not get the opportunity to state your case in words. In fact, what happens is that you get humiliated by the sitting judge on what your papers are lacking, and the ruling can be for you to go and make the corrections. Not exciting for those who are creatively inclined. I thought it was going to be as exciting as they depicted it in the movies…reality is much more sombre. I practiced for a couple of years, but the repetition and being bound by rules, killed any enthusiasm I had inside. Was this something that everyone just went through, and I should just accept it? Is this what it means to be a grown up? Is it possible to enjoy work?

Reality Check..part 10

The question ‘who am I?’ would have been helped by leadership training from high school stage. I believe this type of training would awaken in young people the kind of people they want to be. That life is not just about having a great career, but also about being a good person. That the future is not just about what you want to achieve, but also helping communities progress. No man is an island. We need other people to live purposeful and fruitful lives. The sooner we learn proven principles on how to lead ourselves and treat other people the better. Yes, I am my brother’s keeper. Individualism goes against the very heart of man, which longs to belong wherever it operates. The sense of belonging is what motivates us to be engaged, as an integral part of the system.

My children complain that every time new students are chosen at school to be prefects, their characters change. All of a sudden they are not as friendly and don’t respond when greeted. They expect to be treated more special and load it over the other students. They obviously have a skewed leadership model that they are following. To them, leadership means that they are more special than the other children, and therefore they need to separate themselves and be unreachable. For others to speak to them and get into their space would be a privilege. Steps need to be taken to teach children about real leadership that is caring and empowering others, not self-interest. Servant leadership and good stewardship teach about helping people for their benefit and not using people for your selfish gain. Basically, you gain from developing and improving other peoples’ lives. More of a win-win situation. Unfortunately, servant leadership is not something we do naturally as people. Our inclinations are selfish and want comfort and privilege. Therefore, to be the good leaders we need to be takes sacrifice and discomfort. The rewards may not be immediate and not everyone will be appreciative. It’s a long process of turning things on their head, from the ‘it’s all about me’ syndrome, to ‘it’s about us’ imperative.

When you look at toddlers playing, you can already see the selfish trait operating as they naturally don’t like sharing their toys. They have to be taught to share and be kind. This training should continue on in school as a subject that teaches children how best to relate to one another. Yes, parents have a bigger role in training their children to be responsible people, but schools have the bigger platform of having diverse and multicultural populations where these principles can be practiced.

A lack of authenticity..Part 9

Even though I was in a private school, my parents were middle class, we were not rich. My mother worked for a bank, and one of her benefits was assistance in paying school fees. That’s how we could afford it. Materialistically, I was nowhere close to my friends. They had the latest pencil cases, sneakers and clothes. Their parents picked them up from school. I took the bus, or public transport. Whenever I used public transport, I made sure that I got to school as early as possible so that no one saw me getting out of the emergency taxi (as we call them), or walk up to the school. I thought they would look down at me and not understand how it is that we didn’t have a car. As I had explained in the beginning, my father had a good job as the deputy police commissioner, and we enjoyed a lot of privilege because of it. However, before I started High School, he retired and used his savings in a business partnership that failed. He literally became broke. All of a sudden, our whole financial burden fell on my mother. It was so heavy that she suffered a short spurt of mental breakdown. I remember visiting her in the hospital when I was 12 years old, and being completely clueless.

My father, who was this great icon of a police man, gradually fell into the trappings of financial loss. He just couldn’t seem to recover from it. He began spending most of his time at the ‘Tanzanian club’, drinking and wallowing in his sorrows. At least, that’s how it looked like to me. I became ashamed of him, and used to tell my friends that he was my uncle. All the other fathers had cars and good jobs or businesses. Why couldn’t my father just get it together? Why did he give up so easily? Were we not worth the effort? My young mind just could not understand. Many years later I would discover that my father suffered from Post Traumatic Stress from the war with Idi Amin, and had lost the zest for life. All I saw was my idol crash into pieces. If he couldn’t win in life, how was I going to? Who was going to be my daily model?

We lived in a 3 bedroomed flat that my mother was able to buy through a loan from the bank. All my other friends lived in big houses in rich neighbourhoods. I was always visiting and spending nights at my friends’ houses, but never invited them to mine. I did not want them to know that I had an alcoholic father who had no money or car. The shame was tangible. I needed my father to be someone who I could be proud of and show off to my friends. Perhaps, if my father spent time knowing and communicating to us what was really going on with him, I would not have judged him so harshly. But there was no relationship to guide me in my thoughts of him. And rather than watch him in his stupor, I was always leaving home and visiting my friends. 99.9% of the time, my parents did not know where I was nor asked me. They seemed not to be interested in me, and so I looked for it elsewhere. They were probably doing their best not to fall over the edge, but a child’s mind cannot properly diagnose and deal with such adult conundrums.

Not having the same riches as my friends made me feel less than. But I compensated for it with my popularity game. Fortunately, I had the looks and personality to make me good at it. Who we believe we are within us affects what happens outside of us. I believed I was someone worth knowing…like Brandy or Queen Latifah. I lived the life I imagined and tolerated reality. My siblings thought I was crazy, but that is what helped me to cope. Besides, the reality was bleak and hopeless. There were friends that I had made in my neighbourhood, but they would not fit in with my ‘private’ school friends. So it felt like I lived a double life. Just who exactly was I? It wasn’t a question that I would confront until well into my thirties…

Teenage folly..part 8

My friends and I used our popularity to hold parties that even University guys attended even though we were only 15 years old…! And we thought it was because we were just too awesome. Not realising that we were actually the prey…a higher power was definitely protecting us.

We also created a dance group and performed at school and fashion events. We danced to Mary J Blige, Tupac and Jade just to name a few. If that enthusiasm and energy was directed at making money, I would be a billionaire! We attended afternoon sessions at night clubs, thinking we could take care of ourselves. A close friend of mine almost got raped outside one of them. Pride does come before a fall. We used to think that certain things just wouldn’t happen to us. Afterall, we were pretty, popular and went to a private school. No one challenged us on this. So it seemed to be true. The world was going to just fall at our feet. We desired success we never planned for, the world was going to give it to us on a plate. It was torture on self esteem to depend on the opposite sex to determine our value, but no one mentioned another way, so that’s just how it was.

The school valued us in a different way. Through our academic prowess. Those with the highest marks, got more attention and encouragement from the teachers. They were also made prefects and captains of sport. While those who struggled got ignored or treated with contempt, because you were just not trying hard enough. There was no talk about learning disabilities, or the fact that we all had different talents and learned in unique ways. This made a lot of girls feel inadequate, like something was wrong with them and they were not going to succeed in life. I wish I knew then about how Bill Gates was a school dropout, and still became a success. It would have saved me the time I cried about not being as smart as other girls. I was never meant to be like other girls. I was always meant to be me, and whatever I didn’t like about me, it was and is my responsibility to change it. To do the internal work that would then change my external experience and perspective.

Popularity show..part 7

Popularity happens for many different reasons. In High School it was because of the number of boys who liked you, and the schools they went to. The more boys that liked you from a ‘chosen’ school the more popular you are. There are private and government schools. The private schools are expensive and not subsidised by government, it’s where the rich children go. It was also popular to be rich. So all the private schools were ‘chosen’. Government schools could also be chosen if they were really good at sports. Somehow, going to an expensive school equated with being a better person. I went to a government juniour school and a private high school. It’s amazing how quickly one can change loyalty to be friends with a rich kid. We all wanted the life of a rich kid. Being popular with the boys meant that even the rich kids were at your bidding.

At such a young age we were already calculating our value based on how the boys rated us. It obviously had nothing to do with our intelligence…duh! The light skinned girls got the most ticks. Followed by the ones who could most imitate the life of black Americans. This was my group. I was very good at dressing and acting like famous black Americans. And I had the long hair to add credibility to the act. My favourite musicians were Da Brat, Ahliya, TLC and Janet Jackson. Those were my kindred spirit. I felt like I knew them and we would all be friends. So I dressed like them, and acted like I was famous like them. It worked! People believe who you act you are. The boys felt special if I knew their names or stopped to say hello. I kept my distance intentionally as well, so that I remained an illusive character, which added to the popularity.

Since no one had taken on the responsibility of teaching me my history and culture, I took on what the television fed me. ‘Fresh Prince of Bel Air’ and ‘Martin’ comedy series, became our bibles of how to live cool and fun lives. Americans seemed to have it all. We did not hear much about the racism and profiling as we do now. We wished we had been born in America. Ignorance. (I do prefer my community challenges which are mostly corruption and poverty, and not drugs, guns and Donald Trump. Yoh! Thank you Lord for placing me in Africa. Help me pass this revelation to my children, Amen!)

So, as I was saying, the more American you seemed, the more popular you were with the boys, and hence the more popular you were with the girls too. Popularity meant that you received special treatment. You were the conduit for peoples’ crushes, because you could connect them to their object of desire, since everyone wanted to know you.

From generation to generation..part 6

My parents were just following how their parents raised them. They grew up in the rural areas with 9 other siblings each, so there was no quality time with the parents. Not much affection shown , as children are seen as an investment for the future to look after you, and labour in the fields. They had no exposure to a different way of raising children with affection, genuine relationship and helping us invest in our talents. Children were to be seen and not heard. This makes it difficult for us to eventually find our voice, believe we have a right to use it or see our own value and invest in ourselves.

Children need guidance on how to use their voice, and the best place for this is in their homes. Parents are models for their children, there is no escaping this. Our values and prejudices stem from watching how our parents lived their lives…even if they don’t utter a word. Just by their body language or avoidance, a child is able to decode the message. Certain races are not to be spoken to, outside of school. And therefore that becomes the child’s norm. I remember seeing my ‘white’ school acquaintances outside of school grounds, perhaps at a shopping centre, and they wouldn’t even flinch as a sign of knowing me in the presence of their parents.

We really have to be intentional about what we are passing on to our children’s lives. Cultural diversity is now considered to be important for the success of, well…everything. Globalisation and human rights pressures are forcing people to work with all types of ethnicities. The sooner we model and teach our children to be inclusive, the better. All lives matter now.

A lack of preparation…part 5

 

Secondary School did nothing to prepare us for the working world. All we had to do was cram information, and then regurgitate it in tests and exams. It’s no wonder we are behind technologically. Our education system did not provide a culture that motivated us to have the ability to be innovative and pioneering. It’s more of a churning machine for a working class, not leaders. If you did not get good grades in your ‘ O’ levels, you were encouraged to do secretarial studies. There was no other skills training. How about carpentry? Or farming? Plumbing?  These were considered for boys only because….? We have the same hands, feet and brains. Why are our hands tied before being given the chance? Our educational system needs to change to reflect the current culture. There is no justification to dictate what a woman can and cannot do. Let her try and see for herself what she can and cannot do. Most of the time, we are not even aware of our own capabilities until we try it.. I understand that schools cannot provide for every skill, but more diversity is needed.

What is the point of information without application? Why do they teach us geography without practically showing us its relevance? That is the secondary education that I received. A whole bunch of books and notes, without an explanation of what it’s supposed to help me do. As long as I passed the tests, I was doing fine. And that was the whole point, to pass the tests. What about life? Surely I should be receiving tools to pass life in what I’m learning?

Someone should have told me that it was all on me. That I would have to be intentional and act toward my goals instead of waiting for someone or something to do it for me. That’s why it’s important to train our children to be problem solvers as soon as they understand what a problem is. No application of what we learned isolated us from the true workings of real life. Unlike in the books, real life, with real people is way more complicated. I have to think outside the box, after years of being kept in the box in school. My creativity and thinking having been stifled for so long, it would take time to learn how to let it flourish. Precious time, that I could have been using to solve the world’s problems.

My parents did not spend much time teaching me about life either. I think they were more occupied with their own set of challenges, and so experience was my more consistent parent. I think they just expected school to fill all the gaps, and I would just get it all on my own..

Teenage rumblings..part 4

As a teenager I remember being popular at my school because of my looks and trendy way of dressing. I went to a private school in Harare, where I got to learn with white girls. They were obliging and accommodating at school, but pretended not to know you outside the school walls. Political Independence did not get rid of superiority complexes expressed by our white counterparts. But being at that school showed me that the only difference between us was colour, exposure and opportunity. Exposure and opportunity are plentiful for those who have money and privilege. It’s no wonder why our white counterparts were better than us at high end sports such as hockey, tennis and swimming, and the arts, e.g playing musical instruments. It wasn’t that we were incapable, we were just not exposed. As teenagers however, this truth eluded us, and so we felt inferior. They had the best of life, while we grappled with the left-overs.

Racism is something that never made sense to me. Maybe it’s because I never belonged to a group of people who used it to gain advantage over others. Why else would one teach and encourage hate and separation from another race? Advantage has to be a part of it. How else could they justify stealing land and displacing indigenous people from their homes? It was to gain an advantage over resources that made them rich. I come from an African culture known as ‘ubuntu’ which recognises the community as a whole, and so the individual is expected to act in a manner that is advantageous to the community. Therefore, in Africa your neighbour can discipline your children if they are acting against community values. This is why we are so accepting of people. We expect that they would be inclined to do right by us, just as we are. Racism is simply a means to protect advantage and superiority. It is the devil’s game.

The teenage years were also encumbered with little ‘crushes’ of the opposite sex. It felt good to like someone of the opposite sex who liked you back. But in the same breath, it is safe to say these crushes dissipated as fast as they started. Only in later years does one realise that these relationships were going nowhere…after all we still lived with our parents and could only go out with the allowance they gave us. What a waste of energy and enthusiasm! I wish someone had taught me to be more productive with my time. I live in a continent that is rich with mineral and land resources. But our focus was more on getting a job in an office, and a car, where I can look smart and impressive to my peers. No one spoke to us about owning the means of production and being our own bosses. Could it be that our education system was rigged to keep us thinking we cannot be creators and innovators? That way the privileged in our society would always have workers to continue building their empires? We need to free our teenagers from the bonds of colonial systems that have kept us limited in our capacity to dream and do great things. We need to train them that their ability to think and come up with good ideas is the beginning of limitless success. The sooner they learn how to solve problems, the better. No waiting for handouts! We have been given all that we need for Life and Godliness. May that manifest from as young as we can understand that truth.

At 12 years old Jesus was already in the Temple talking with the teachers of the law. It’s never too early to start stimulating our childrens’ thinking towards productive ideation that can solve problems and create a better world. There are plenty of good works that need doing. Why are we okay with our girls reading romance fictions of prince charmings like Snow White, and yet they know nothing of their history? We open the door for them to wish for a life that does not exist. They end up waiting for Prince Charming to begin their lives, and yet he only exists in the books. It’s time to teach our girls to be their own heroes, and do the saving. We need the talents that have been apportioned to them.

Childhood jealousy.

I was academically successful in my primary school years, but was plagued by anxiety due to social experiences with friends. What is it about friendships during adolescent years that are full of possessiveness and jealousy with one’s friends? The fear of someone else taking the place of us in their lives is a real force to contend with. The feelings of insecurity and ‘loss’ of that friend are so real that often times one would punish that friend by not playing with them for a season, until they restored you as their best friend again. Unfortunately for most women, this insecurity continues on into adulthood. Often times as women, we dress up for other women. Even though we don’t know each other, we size each other up by the way we look and do things. Our initial encounters of each other can be competitive, as if there is no room for both of us to win.

Where does this mentality come from? Who got us thinking we are each other’s enemy, and yet in reality, we are each other’s best support. Who else can understand my challenges as well as another female? All women out there, please get this as soon as possible, I need your support! I am an African black woman. The odds are stacked up against me. My culture doesn’t believe I can be successful enough to look after my whole family, so it wants to marry me off as soon as possible. Sometimes it feels like there is a conspiracy to keep women dependant and weak? There is a fear that if women become successful, they will disrespect the men.  

I did not give myself these gifts. Am I supposed to bury them like the unfaithful servant in the Bible? He lost everything because he was not faithful with his talent. Why is it okay if I never realise my potential, and yet for a man it’s a disgrace and irresponsible. Eve, why did you eat of that apple? You had freedom to eat from all the other trees except just one. It seems ever since you did that, women are considered as trouble that needs controlling. You took your freedom for granted, and we, your children are still paying for it. There are countries where girls are not even allowed to go to school. They are just seen as baby machines and domestic slaves. But that does not change the gifts that they hold within. Many have the answers to the world’s biggest problems. But they dare not share these insights, it may be viewed as rebellion.

What is even more disturbing is that it is women who uphold the limitations placed on women. We struggle to trust women leaders. It’s other women who force us to wear a ridiculous amount of make-up, or else we are just not meeting some elusive standard of how we should look.. Has God not done a good job? We push our daughters to marry at all cost, and to stay married regardless of extreme pain and suffering. We don’t support other women to excel in our organisations. We are afraid they will become big-headed and mistreat us. But it’s okay for men to do likewise, we expect their moral standards to be low.. Where were we given higher moral standards? Surely it’s the same for both men and women? We are both human beings with the responsibility of stewarding this planet.